When you worry about another, you are actually expressing your own fears about yourself. In your society loving one another means worrying about that other. But your worries about another are more or less worries about yourself. When you worry about another you send negative energy to that other. You send them fear, it is much better and much more loving to look into your own fears and see what unresolved issue that you have about the issue that the loved one is facing.
Love creates. There is a law of love and you need to envision it as a triangle. There is XX and there is YY, you put them together and you become XYZ. The two together are more then the two alone. The two together create something beyond what was there before. The Z is something wonderful, something that is both part of you and yet something new. That is the creative force of love.
When you worry about another you are actually creating a Z that is filled with fear. It touches upon the creation of love and limits the one that is worried about. The more loving thing to do would be to ask the other to help you to clear out what you are worried about. For example, let us say that you have a sister whom you deeply love, and that sister is gong through a divorce. This fills you will fear for the sister. You "remember" your divorce and all the ugly and bad things that have happened and you re filled with fear. Now you society would say go to the sister and warn her. Tell of your worry for that is love. You have an obligation in love to point out what could happen to her. Tell her to get a good divorce attorney that will rip his throat out because after all, your husband ripped your throat out. Go and see a good psychologist because the pain of divorce is unbearable. You are frightened that the sister may not be able to handle it. What is REALLY going on is that YOU ended a good divorce attorney, YOU couldn't handle it. Your sister's divorce is opening the doors to all the unresolved pain that you have in YOUR divorce.
You are NOT helping your sister by worrying about her. You are NOT helping your sister by telling her all the things that can go wrong. You are in fact filling her with fear, and giving her bad energy. Now, again he most loving thing that you can do is to go to that sister and say that her divorce is opening all the unresolved fear of what happened in your divorce, and by sharing your pain and talking it through when the SISTER is ready to hear it can heal you both and make the relationship stronger.
We have talked before about the vampire of obligation, there is as well the vampire of guilt and the vampire of worry. When you worry about the other you are laying your pains, fears and angers at their door. Worry is also a vampire sucking the energy from a person who needs positive energy. Worry also harms the "Z" between you.
The more you love another the closer your energy melding, the more that loved one is you. You begin to think of the other as you would think of yourself. This is why you strangers treat others with more kindness then loved ones. A mother can treat a child horribly but would never do to another child what she will do to her own child. This is because she is faced with her own self-hatred. The hatred that she feels for herself, is the hatred that she pours onto her child. The child becomes the reflection of the hatred and she does to the child what she would to do herself.
That is why to love yourself and to heal yourself and your pains and issues is the BEST thing you can do for all of your relationships.
Another misconception that you have of love is that the loved one is going to take your pain away. The loved one is to take care of you, and fix you.
A loved one cannot take your pain away, only you can do that. To care for another means that energy is melded together, what happens to them, in a sense happens to you. You create a Z together. However, the Z is NOT responsible for "curing" you. Many people long for a love that will take care of them, that will cure them; and their relationships are deeply troubled because of this. Take my fear away, take my pain away. Appreciate me, many times means: make me feel good about myself. If another is NOT appreciating you, it is because you re NOT appreciating yourself. Another CANNOT cure you. Because there is the force of the Z love can create tremendous changes. Love of an another can make you much better then you were before. But you cannot expect this to happen. For expectations become part of the vampire energy. To expect another to do something is to limit them. When you attempt to limit another, you stop loving them. A loved one will look at another one and see the great potential within them. A loved one will look at another one and "see" them as they currently are and what they could if THEY CHOOSE TO become. But to force another to chance into hat vision, to expect them to become that vision is to take away their free will.
Love clears out limits, love makes you see yourself as something more then you were before. When you break through your limits and see yourself through the eyes of the beloved you see the Z, and when the other sees himself through your eyes he sees something more. Then the other automatically changes and Actually BECOMES more. But when you being to place expectations upon the other, you limit them and the love changes.
One of the biggest mistakes in marriages that occur today is that there is expectation of what the other should do. It is the other's responsibility to clean the house. It is the other's responsibility to care for the children. It is the other's responsibility to bring in the money and clean out the car. The stresses of daily love begin to intrude upon your visions of the loved one. The other person can't make more money then you do. The other person can't change jobs or get a job or go for his or her dreams because what will happen to my security? Love needs to be fluid to grow. Love needs space to explore. If someone has done the laundry for ten years and no longer wants to do it, then so be it. If the loved one wants to go for their dreams and quit there jobs, the other one has to be fluid enough to let that happen. If the other one wants to go out with friends on Thursday night, then that is what needs to be done. When you limit the other, you are facing your own insecurities. If my mate goes out with friends then maybe he or she will no longer love me. If my mate changes jobs and goes for their dreams, what about the dreams I have sacrificed? I have given up so much for them and now look t what they are doing to me? Well, why did you give up so much and maybe you shouldn't have; and NOW is the time to go for your dreams as well.
Be being such a strong mirror for the other, you face your deeper self, and by facing the deeper self and being allowed to change you become more. The more you become the more the other becomes, and the MORE each of you grow.
Samantha for many years absolutely refused to be married for she saw marriage as a trap. Her mate would limit her would force her to be something else turn her into a "wife". In fact after much pain and much anger Samantha finally agreed to marry and found terrific freedom in the marriage. By being married she felt more secure in her relationship which allowed her to reach for more then she would have before. As well, her mate realized that if he tried to limit Samantha in her goals or dreams, that he would lose her and love her less, so he has never done anything but encourage her upon her path. Samantha has reciprocated. Because of that their marriage has been able to weather many, many storms. By allowing the other to grow, the both grow themselves and the Z becomes more then it was before. The appreciation deepens the clearing out of past pains more profound. That is not to say that hat they have a perfect marriage in fact like every marriage they have many trouble spots. But those trouble spots are what allow them to look into the mirror and grow. As well, they both have incredibly strong wills which do not allow the other to manipulate them or force them into anything. Because of that, they fight terribly. One of the trouble spots is the problem of incredibly strong will.
When a relationship becomes limiting, it can become toxic. When it becomes toxic then the negative energy needs to be cleared out and ended. Trouble spots need to be looked at quickly, so as to help the other face themselves.
If you are worried about another, realize that you are being toxic to that individual. You are NOT loving them you need to face themselves. We recommend the following exercise. Go to the hall of mirrors that we have recommended to you before, but instead of seeing another self this time, when you look in the mirror see the other and ask the image in the mirror to tell you what it is that you need to resolve. Ask the image to tell you what pain or hurt, or anger you are facing, or what you are afraid to face. The other in the mirror will respond to you. You may even go so far as to walk into the image and become one with that person for a moment or so. When you do this, you being to see things through the eyes of the Z, as well you Can being to seeing from their point of view better.
If you wish to have good
relationships in your life, you must first have a good relationship within
yourself. It is said many times in Christianity that you need to love each
other as you would love yourself. Now, we do not believe that it is possible
to love every other person as you would yourself. However it is possible
to "see" in each other a mirror of yourself. And many times you believe
that you love someone else more then yourself that is simply NOT possible.
When you actually hate yourself. Learn to be your own best friend. Treat
yourself as you would a friend, someone in trouble, and you will find that
you have more friends then you know what to do with. If you wish for a
lover, treat yourself as you would want a lover to treat you. Send yourself
roses, treat yourself out to night on the town a fine meal a movie, dress
up as you would for a date. As well, by doing these things you could very
possibly attract a mate. You are sending out the signals of love.